Do you ever ask yourself how did I get here.  Not the "who are my parents?", or "why was I even born?" questions, but what was the substance of my life experiences that made me the person I am today.  The good, the bad, the ugly. At 62, I know that my life is over half over and I am in a different season of life.  But the journey of learning is not over for me.  I am choosing to be self reflective and to have my beliefs challenged.  I am trying to allow "all the feels" to have some room in my life.  As a friend said, We are to be integrated".  Why is that so hard for me?  is it hard for you? In the last two years I have discovered the enneagram.  I have read books and taken multiple tests to learn more about this ancient way.  Some think it is satanic with roots in "spirit consultation" and is "anti-God".  I do not approach it this way but use it as a tool like many personality type tools.  It is a tool, nothing more.  It is not a life guide but for me has been a starting place for growth.  I remember taking the animal personality test.  This "personality test" is offered by several religious groups to create a starting place for understanding who you are and how you relate to the world around you. (see https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/4-animals-personality-test/ )  I always ended up being an otter.  I just took the test again, and dang it, it says otter.  Fun loving, easy going, blah, blah, blah.  I don't think I am an otter.  I think what usually pushes me over into that category is that I like change, or maybe better stated, I don't fear most change.  I change my living environment frequently.  I change jobs sort of frequently (on the average of every 7 years-which seems like a long time to me).  I try to be flexible with my thinking.  But I do not think I live for fun.  I don't think I am a "party animal".  I don't do well in crowds and do much better one on one.  I do talk a lot and would characterize myself as a verbal processor.  But here is the kicker, I am older, I have learned how to cope and adapt to both my strengths and weaknesses.  Some of my adaptations are healthy and some not so much.  In the mental health world we would call them adaptive or maladaptive behaviors.   So how does that compare to the enneagram?  The enneagram allows for growth.  Your basic personality type is on a scale of healthy to unhealthy.  There are many references for the enneagram, here is just one: (https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions)  Take different tests and compare the results. Each enneagram number has an underlying core of traits and once you become aware of your core, you can identify areas for growth.  It feels dynamic and less constrictive.  I am an enneagram four with a five wing.  I live in my head and I am emotion driven.  I have been told I look like an eight, but I think I have learned to compensate for the time in my own head.  I have learned to talk in groups and can be a leader but I have deep self doubts and relive most moments looking for both faults and successes.  I can be very loyal and I do struggle to show my vulnerability to others (very eight-like)  But being creative brings me more joy than most other activities, I never trusted myself to really be creative but actually love it.  One enneagram site even said that thrift stores excite the enneagram four, and that can not be more true for me.  I love to dream of the story behind items and what is there possible use for myself and for the ones I love.  I have no problem giving vintage items to friends as I believe they can continue the "story" for the item.  I love to give gifts, but do not not like the often associated "obligation" that comes with gift giving.  Giving gifts in my early adult years seemed manipulative and "what can I get in return" motivated.  So I often buried my desire to give and receive gifts.  Being single has afforded me the opportunity to explore gift giving, but I still struggle to receive gifts from others.  (oops, very eight-like again).  See this interesting description of an eight versus a four: 'Eights do feel vulnerable inside, but as much as possible, they steel themselves against any feelings of insecurity and weakness in themselves. Eights tend to see such feelings as self-indulgent luxuries for people who have no serious responsibilities. Fours show their vulnerability, but can be much tougher and controlling than they generally realize. In fact, Fours are quite resilient and can endure emotional difficulties and losses that would cause most other types to collapse. In a strange way, Eights are like Fours turned inside-out.'    this is from: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/misidentifying-4-and-8.   Interesting right?  Well enough for that, I encourage you to explore personality too!