It has been just short of one month and I am hanging in there. I have a pile of beautiful cards from people that I know and don't know. Should I send thank yous to them? Probably not. But I wish I could personally thank the people who have taken the time to write me a quick note. People ask me how am I doing. I want to say that I feel too young to be in this place. But I know being a fifty year old widow is better than being forty or thirty. This past weekend I saw so many cute old couples, holding hands, and looking at each other tenderly. I am going to miss that. How will all of my couple friends treat me. Such a silly question. I know many of them will treat me just the way they always have. But how will I feel. That is a hard question to contemplate. How does any single person feel in a group of married folks? After being married for thirty years, many of my friends are couples. Will I feel like a third wheel? Will I avoid situations that make me the odd number? New places for my mind to wander and I am not sure I want to go there yet.
I am having a party for my daughter Vangie and her husband Josh. We are having an open house to celebrate their wedding. They got married on September 6, but I was unable to attend since Jeff was so sick. So I have been busy putting in the winter grass and flowers. My back yard looks pretty. I am getting ready to string lights and buy tablecloths and dinnerware. I am going to have it catered. For all of the parties I have had I have always made the food. Even big graduation parties but this time I decided to let making the food go. We will have Mexican Food and mostly finger food at that. Gotta love mini-chimichangas.
I have been driving the jeep. It feels weird. I don't think I drove it but twice while Jeff was alive . And I think he had it for three years. It is old, a 1987. But jeeps don't really age. they all look alike to me. The air conditioning is fried. But at least it is the fall right now. I still feel like I am going through a mid-life crisis driving a red jeep. All I need is a big purple hat! HA! I guess in a way widowhood is a life crisis, no matter how much you prepare for it. I hope Jeff is watching me and having a good laugh because I am certainly a funny sight and that is without the purple hat. That is all for now. The journey seems long but is really just a vapor! love GJ
