It has been just short of one month and I am hanging in there. I have a pile of beautiful cards from people that I know and don't know. Should I send thank yous to them? Probably not. But I wish I could personally thank the people who have taken the time to write me a quick note. People ask me how am I doing. I want to say that I feel too young to be in this place. But I know being a fifty year old widow is better than being forty or thirty. This past weekend I saw so many cute old couples, holding hands, and looking at each other tenderly. I am going to miss that. How will all of my couple friends treat me. Such a silly question. I know many of them will treat me just the way they always have. But how will I feel. That is a hard question to contemplate. How does any single person feel in a group of married folks? After being married for thirty years, many of my friends are couples. Will I feel like a third wheel? Will I avoid situations that make me the odd number? New places for my mind to wander and I am not sure I want to go there yet.
I am having a party for my daughter Vangie and her husband Josh. We are having an open house to celebrate their wedding. They got married on September 6, but I was unable to attend since Jeff was so sick. So I have been busy putting in the winter grass and flowers. My back yard looks pretty. I am getting ready to string lights and buy tablecloths and dinnerware. I am going to have it catered. For all of the parties I have had I have always made the food. Even big graduation parties but this time I decided to let making the food go. We will have Mexican Food and mostly finger food at that. Gotta love mini-chimichangas.
I have been driving the jeep. It feels weird. I don't think I drove it but twice while Jeff was alive . And I think he had it for three years. It is old, a 1987. But jeeps don't really age. they all look alike to me. The air conditioning is fried. But at least it is the fall right now. I still feel like I am going through a mid-life crisis driving a red jeep. All I need is a big purple hat! HA! I guess in a way widowhood is a life crisis, no matter how much you prepare for it. I hope Jeff is watching me and having a good laugh because I am certainly a funny sight and that is without the purple hat. That is all for now. The journey seems long but is really just a vapor! love GJ
3 comments:
Gina,
You make me laugh when you describe yourself in Jeff's jeep. I also picture Jesus sitting next to you and laughing with you :-) It is a sweet thing to know that you are sometimes laughing and planning a party and living........just like Im sure Jeff would want you to. I hope those times will continue to increase and help you to bear the harder periods. Thanks, Gina for helping me to understand a little better about the things of life.
Jacki
Gina, you are so brave to let us "In", Take time to enjoy all the blessings in your life, and allow yourself to feel. Sometimes you'll want everthing and then nothing, but know that you are never alone wherever you go God is right there with you.
Claudia
May you be blessed. . . feel the love of all that know you surround you every moment.
Love,
Gina Weeks
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