Birthdays-birthdays-birthdays

I made it through both Jeff's and my birthday. Not really as difficult as I expected. I have found that the "special days" are not as hard as the "everyday days". I catch myself wanting to tell Jeff something, or think that he would really like (or dislike) a certain thing. I also sometimes think, "what would Jeff think about this?" Today I related the entire story, to a stranger, of how Jeff got sick and the journey we went on. I was even able to put some feeling into it. The person asked some good questions, like: "What did you think about him going on Chemotherapy?" and "Would you do it the same way all over again?" Both difficult questions that I CAN answer but they bring back so many memories. No I didn't want Jeff to go on Chemotherapy, but I kept my opinion to myself until after he had started and he asked me. I never did tell him why. I saw two people die in the brain tumor support group with his type of tumor that went through the treatments and their support person said how hard it was on everyone. I did not want to be negative towards himor influence his decision. I hadn't thought about that in a long time. I swallowed so many of my feelings during the last five years that they are having a hard time coming back up. (so to speak) I do try to be very honest when people ask me how I feel, if I think they really want to know. I am facing the moving out of my daughter and son-in-law and granddaughter and I am both happy for them but know I am going to miss them so very much. They put a bid on a condo, so it is only a matter of time. Ahh feelings...not like a song and oh so very difficult to deal with some times.