New Home and a New Perspective

Last week I moved into a room  in an apartment that Abby and David Kakeeto rented close to their house.  It has two bedrooms, a kitchen, a sitting room, and indoor plumbing.  I love having an indoor sink.  The apartment is located over the garage of a wealthy Ugandan. The view is wonderful and I even have a small balcony.  The timing of the move was perfect as well.  I am trying to get settled before I go back to the US in October.  This week we will be buying a computer and setting up a real office.  I am nervous and excited.  I really want to go home.  AND I already have plans for when I get back here as well.  These last few weeks have been pretty stressful for me as they were too busy and I got way behind in my sleep.  I love the quiet here at the apartment but I also miss the constant movement and noise of living with the 16 boys.  I had an interesting thing happen on Saturday.  I took Emma (Emmanuel) with me to Kampala city to run some errands and I took him to lunch.  We were getting phone repaired.  Emma said something to me and he called me Jajja (of course) and the man said, "Jajja?  Is this boy yours?"  Emma looked up at me and waited for my reply.  I said yes and he just burst out in happiness.  The power of being part of God's family together, makes our bond even closer.  I don't really call the boys "my boys."  I stopped feeling like people were "mine" when Jeff was so sick, close to his death. My prayers changed from "Please heal him" to "Please don't let him suffer" to "Father, he is Yours not mine, You love him more than I can imagine, your will be done in his life."  Something inside me changed.  It was peaceful but also bittersweet.  Even my daughters and son are not really mine, they are the children that God blessed me with and gave me the privilege of being their mother.  I remember when I admitted to someone that even today I have a hard time praying to God about healing people physically.  Not that God isn't good, because I know He is.  Not because he isn't all-loving, because He is.  But because he knows the end and I don't.  For me it is acknowledging that God has ALL of the power to heal, and in His sovereignty, sometimes He chooses not to heal.  I can pray with all confidence for God to heal broken hearts and give spiritual healing.  But healing for AIDS, cancer, etc?  God may not answer that prayer the way I want him to. There is peace there but for me it came at a cost. Two of the women in our program are not doing very well.  I pray for their hearts, their minds, their souls, their families and when I say Father your will be done in the life of these women and in their bodies, a lump comes to my throat.  Missionaries are not supposed to feel that way are they?  How does that relate to Emma?  Because I was encouraged by him and seeing the sweet smile on his face and the pride in his eyes when I acknowledged him to a stranger.  Thank you God for Emma, thank you for the women, Rose and Gertrude.  Thank you for making us family.  Thank you for making us yours.  Father, your will be done in all of our lives! Amen!

Vacation in Rwanda-Genocide Memorials

Just a few thoughts from my time in Rwanda.  If you would rather not read about the genocide, I won't be offended if you stop right here and close this post.  No worries!  I have been looking forward to coming to Rwanda for over a year.  As a Believer, and a spoiled American it was easy for me to be lulled into thinking that people are basically good and that Christians are even better.  I knew somewhere in my heart that it wasn't true, but God always seems to need to use a 2 X 4 over the head with me to get my attention.  Going to the memorials yesterday was my 2 X 4.  I knew I needed it and I was right.  The UN claims that more than 800,000 people were killed in the main genocide that lasted roughly 100 days in 1994.  The Rwandans estimate that 3 million people were killed during the five years that led up to it and the years since.  I kept hearing in my head, "the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it"?  And that time clearly illustrates that.  These were not atheists or non-Christians killing Christians, this was Christians and Muslims killing Christians and Muslims, over race.  We went to the National museum first.  It contains a number of mass graves for 250,000 people with more remains placed there even this year.  It also has a museum with pictures and artifacts.  Next stop was the Ntarama site.  Here in the church over 600 people were killed. The skulls of many of the people are displayed on shelves behind the pews and in the children's church building (approximately 10 feet by 20 ft) there is still blood on the wall where they smashed the skills of the babies and children. You are not allowed to take pictures inside any of the buildings, but I will be posting on my facebook page some from the outside.  The last site was Nyamata.  Here in this church and in the area surrounding it 10,000 people were killed.  The church was packed with people, primarily women and children and old people, the men were outside trying to defend the church.  That is why so many were killed at that site.  They have left all of the clothing from the people in both churches on the pews in heaps.  Dirty bloodstained heaps.  At the Nyamata site they also have two mass burial grounds and one is an open crypt that you can enter and they have displayed the bones from all of the people who died inside of the church.  Mostly skulls and long bones.  I wrapped my fingers around one of the skulls and it was about the size of an eight to ten year-old. Sobering, the evil that Satan can do in and through our weak human flesh.  The worst part though was watching testimonials and reading the lasting effects of that 100 days.  Thousands of homes were burned, thousands of people were left maimed.  Thousands of women were raped.  Thousands off orphans were left. Millions of hearts were left broken. All because of sin.  The Rwandan government is working hard for racial reconciliation.  Those brave Believers who are working in Rwanda to bring Christ's love, forgiveness and healing need our prayer every day

What happened to make so many people easily remember the first part of the great commandment and yet forget the second part? On a personal level, do I forget that second part, to REALLY love my neighbor in the sphere of family, friends and "enemies" that God puts in my path?  I was reminded in a fresh way that loving God is easier than loving others, apart from His love.  I am not so different from the murderers in Rwanda.  I need Christ to fill me with His love every day and I need to submit to His will.  If I stay stay in Uganda for one more month or ten more years my job is really the same.  God may change the place where I am but my heart needs to be His every day.  

Thank you for praying for me,the staff, the women, the boys, and the street children.  God is using our hands and feet to Love others and to preach the Gospel.  I love you all.