New Home and a New Perspective

Last week I moved into a room  in an apartment that Abby and David Kakeeto rented close to their house.  It has two bedrooms, a kitchen, a sitting room, and indoor plumbing.  I love having an indoor sink.  The apartment is located over the garage of a wealthy Ugandan. The view is wonderful and I even have a small balcony.  The timing of the move was perfect as well.  I am trying to get settled before I go back to the US in October.  This week we will be buying a computer and setting up a real office.  I am nervous and excited.  I really want to go home.  AND I already have plans for when I get back here as well.  These last few weeks have been pretty stressful for me as they were too busy and I got way behind in my sleep.  I love the quiet here at the apartment but I also miss the constant movement and noise of living with the 16 boys.  I had an interesting thing happen on Saturday.  I took Emma (Emmanuel) with me to Kampala city to run some errands and I took him to lunch.  We were getting phone repaired.  Emma said something to me and he called me Jajja (of course) and the man said, "Jajja?  Is this boy yours?"  Emma looked up at me and waited for my reply.  I said yes and he just burst out in happiness.  The power of being part of God's family together, makes our bond even closer.  I don't really call the boys "my boys."  I stopped feeling like people were "mine" when Jeff was so sick, close to his death. My prayers changed from "Please heal him" to "Please don't let him suffer" to "Father, he is Yours not mine, You love him more than I can imagine, your will be done in his life."  Something inside me changed.  It was peaceful but also bittersweet.  Even my daughters and son are not really mine, they are the children that God blessed me with and gave me the privilege of being their mother.  I remember when I admitted to someone that even today I have a hard time praying to God about healing people physically.  Not that God isn't good, because I know He is.  Not because he isn't all-loving, because He is.  But because he knows the end and I don't.  For me it is acknowledging that God has ALL of the power to heal, and in His sovereignty, sometimes He chooses not to heal.  I can pray with all confidence for God to heal broken hearts and give spiritual healing.  But healing for AIDS, cancer, etc?  God may not answer that prayer the way I want him to. There is peace there but for me it came at a cost. Two of the women in our program are not doing very well.  I pray for their hearts, their minds, their souls, their families and when I say Father your will be done in the life of these women and in their bodies, a lump comes to my throat.  Missionaries are not supposed to feel that way are they?  How does that relate to Emma?  Because I was encouraged by him and seeing the sweet smile on his face and the pride in his eyes when I acknowledged him to a stranger.  Thank you God for Emma, thank you for the women, Rose and Gertrude.  Thank you for making us family.  Thank you for making us yours.  Father, your will be done in all of our lives! Amen!

I bought a house

I bought a new house. Well actually it is an older house. Sort of plain and simple but it feels good. I am supposed to close by September 8, 2010. I bought new tile for it as well. It is a three bedroom two bath small home, just over one half of the size of my current home. Very bittersweet. Most of you know that I did NOT want to move to the house where I am now. Jeff insisted that we move...so we did. It was a wreck. No air conditioning, no heating, in horrible condition and the property had piles of trash on it. But we remodelled and made it into what we wanted. I learned to love the quiet and enjoyed feeding the birds. It was truly Jeff's dream home. But now I am alone and the thought of maintaining a 2700 square foot home on an acre and a third is really overwhelming. Just this year I have struggled to get caught up on the maintenance that we let slide over the last five years. I had the garage finished and put in an electric garage door opener. I paid to have the property cleaned up three times, including the recent grading of the back of the property. I took down the fence and moved the shed. I had shelves installed in the closets. I have had to rent roll-off dumpsters twice. I took the paint sprayer to a shop and had it repaired and have now painted the garage. I should paint the outside of the house. It seems like every waking moment I am either at work or home "working" on my house. I don't want to live like that! So look out Phoenix here I come! I bought a 1500 square foot house on a regular sized lot. I am having new flooring and cabinets put in. I will get it painted. Then I will be able to have fun fixing up the yard. I will be ten minutes away from my kids. Here is the google street map view of the house:

http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&rlz=1R2GPEA_en&q=26+West+Oraibi,+Phoenix&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=26+W+Oraibi+Dr,+Phoenix,+AZ+85027&gl=us&ei=KfhyTLmWL4X4sAPX99SLDQ&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CBMQ8gEwAA

I told you...it is a plain jane. I will miss the old house VERY much. All of the memories of Jeff and I fixing it up, all of the dinners and all of the fun! But I am trusting God for new memories and new fun. Please pray that I can sell or lease the other house. I will put photos on the blog when it is "really" mine. I love you all!

June 19, 2009

Friday, June 19, 2009 10:24 PM, MST
We are back from the high country and we brought some cool weather back with us to Phoenix! Tonight we ate outside until it started to sprinkle. The trip to Flagstaff was nice but very hard on me emotionally. We went to the courthouse and got a copy of our marriage license and found out our REAL anniversary is May 18. We actually got married by the justice of the peace before our family wedding in June.We also wanted to check out the ramada in the park where we had our family wedding. Jeff didn't want to get out of the car so we just sat there for a few minutes. We drove by our old homes and ended our tour with a trip around Hart prairie on FS 151. We both know this will be our last trip here together. We had a very difficult time with Jeff's wheelchair in the restaurants and at the hotel. The trip was easier on the drive thanks to our friends Mike and Jackie who loaned us an suv. Vangie came to help too but by the end of the trip I was a basket-case. So the trip was nice but oh so bittersweet. We met the hospice doctor today and have all of the paperwork for Jeff's living will, medical power of attorney and end of life directives. The nurse and social worker asked us what our goals were and Jeff really had no specific goals other than to go home to be with the Lord as soon as possible. I was miserable inside, but it was nothing I didn't already know. He is sleeping more and having a very hard time swallowing without choking when eating. The hospice nurse ordered us a hospital bed with a trapeze so that he can get in and out of bed easier. I am so grateful for all of the e-mails and the notes on caring bridge to Jeff. I thank God for you all. Please pray that God's grace, peace and mercy would be felt by us all and shown through us during this time. We love you all!