September 11, 2009

September 11. Jeff's sister arrived today. We are so glad to see her. Things here have been rough. Jeff has been very difficult to move, and almost impossible to understand. And the worst part is that he is now experiencing pain. In his back and in his neck and sort of anywhere when he lays down. I have started giving him dilaudid, a strong pain med. We have it in drop form so I give it to him under his tongue. I also took an objective look at him. He has lost 40-50 pounds. He was so miserable with the weight he gained from all of the steroids. So to me he looks good now, but this is not a good weight loss. He is hardly eating. The hospice nurse came today and inserted a catheter. I hope it makes him a lot more comfortable. He will be bed bound as long as there is only one person at home because he is so hard to get into his wheel chair. His muscles just aren't responding. His breathing is irregular and shallow. Our time together when we are alone is so sweet. He asked me tonight is I was OK and I told him no, I asked him the same question and he told me yes. That helped me a lot. I asked the hospice nurse, how long do other patients in his situation live? Just a shadowy way of asking how long for Jeff. She said she didn't think he would last long. I hope the Lord takes him very soon. He is tired,and ready and even though I am not ready...it isn't about me. I am listening to the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn, on CD. I haven't gotten very far, but it is good. I am honestly pretty depressed tonight. I miss my mother. She died nine years ago this December. I have no brothers and sisters and I will soon be a widow. I am so glad that I have so many good friends. My church family and circle of friends have loved me more than any "natural" sibling could. Thank you God, for them! Thank you also for my kids, their spouses and my grandbaby. Thank you, Thank you. Thank you for 30 years with Jeff. Take him home safely and soon Lord. You love him more than I do, and I can barely stand to see him suffer any more. In Jesus name-Amen!

September 9, 2009

Today is Wednesday, 9-9-09. This past week has been a roller coaster. As I mentioned in previous posts, Thursday was such a good day. The weekend was much harder. The hospice nurse on Friday and the pastor who visited us on Monday both said they can see a big difference and Jeff says he can feel it. But he looks about the same to me. I changed the medication at night to an anti-anxiety med and that has helped him to sleep so much better. He has had tremors off and on this week but the medication is supposed to help that too. His right side is almost completely gone. He still has some use of his hand and foot but the amount of concentration it takes to move either the slightest amount is amazing. He is a very patient man! We are all OK. Scarlett is a month old and Vangie got married last weekend in Colorado. Jeff was VERY upset that I didn't go, but Vangie and Josh understood! I really don't have much to report as Jeff just gets more and more disabled. My heart is broken over him. Please pray for patience and mercy for us all. We love you.

May 24, 2009

Well we have a cement ramp leading from our driveway to the back door. It will be so much easier for Jeff to get outside. A very special thank you to Les Petry, Dana Jones and Scott Cilley our lead guys. But there were other strong hands and back involved: Jeff Merry, Mark Merry, Doug Nelson and Daniel Orr! Thank you so much guys. We have had a trying week. I got home from my surgery on Friday, thank goodness Jeff's brother Jim and his wife Vicki were here for the wekend. I could barely move and our vehicle situation is a little funny. Ever try putting a wheel chair in a VW. Ha! And I can not believe the love that God has shown us through the hands of our family, both "birth family" and "church family". My refreigerator has continued to be filled with yummy food and we even recieved a pair of soft comfortable shoes in the mail for Jeff. We truly are blessed and praise God for you all. We have made the decision to work through Hospice. Jeff has said no more doctors and hospitals. Hospice does other care besides end of the end care. He seemed to be so much happier with that decision. Again God used one of my "family" members to encourge us to look into that. Please pray that the Social Security paperwork can be processed quickly and efficiently. We would much rather spend time together than in waiting rooms.