September 11, 2009

September 11. Jeff's sister arrived today. We are so glad to see her. Things here have been rough. Jeff has been very difficult to move, and almost impossible to understand. And the worst part is that he is now experiencing pain. In his back and in his neck and sort of anywhere when he lays down. I have started giving him dilaudid, a strong pain med. We have it in drop form so I give it to him under his tongue. I also took an objective look at him. He has lost 40-50 pounds. He was so miserable with the weight he gained from all of the steroids. So to me he looks good now, but this is not a good weight loss. He is hardly eating. The hospice nurse came today and inserted a catheter. I hope it makes him a lot more comfortable. He will be bed bound as long as there is only one person at home because he is so hard to get into his wheel chair. His muscles just aren't responding. His breathing is irregular and shallow. Our time together when we are alone is so sweet. He asked me tonight is I was OK and I told him no, I asked him the same question and he told me yes. That helped me a lot. I asked the hospice nurse, how long do other patients in his situation live? Just a shadowy way of asking how long for Jeff. She said she didn't think he would last long. I hope the Lord takes him very soon. He is tired,and ready and even though I am not ready...it isn't about me. I am listening to the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn, on CD. I haven't gotten very far, but it is good. I am honestly pretty depressed tonight. I miss my mother. She died nine years ago this December. I have no brothers and sisters and I will soon be a widow. I am so glad that I have so many good friends. My church family and circle of friends have loved me more than any "natural" sibling could. Thank you God, for them! Thank you also for my kids, their spouses and my grandbaby. Thank you, Thank you. Thank you for 30 years with Jeff. Take him home safely and soon Lord. You love him more than I do, and I can barely stand to see him suffer any more. In Jesus name-Amen!

September 9, 2009

Today is Wednesday, 9-9-09. This past week has been a roller coaster. As I mentioned in previous posts, Thursday was such a good day. The weekend was much harder. The hospice nurse on Friday and the pastor who visited us on Monday both said they can see a big difference and Jeff says he can feel it. But he looks about the same to me. I changed the medication at night to an anti-anxiety med and that has helped him to sleep so much better. He has had tremors off and on this week but the medication is supposed to help that too. His right side is almost completely gone. He still has some use of his hand and foot but the amount of concentration it takes to move either the slightest amount is amazing. He is a very patient man! We are all OK. Scarlett is a month old and Vangie got married last weekend in Colorado. Jeff was VERY upset that I didn't go, but Vangie and Josh understood! I really don't have much to report as Jeff just gets more and more disabled. My heart is broken over him. Please pray for patience and mercy for us all. We love you.

September 2, 2009

Good Morning Everyone! Well Jeff was able to go to the movies! Yeah Josh! They went to see District 9. Jeff said it was very scary. Last night we had a real scare. Jeff's legs started to shake uncontrollably and he couldn't swallow. Water and food was just staying in his mouth or coming back out. He asked me to stay home this morning because he didn't know who could help him. Josh and I had a very hard time getting him into the shower later. I am struggling with anger, fear and impatience. And guilt over feeling and acting that way. Please pray for patience for me and mercy for Jeff. I really hate brain tumors this morning. Both he and I doubted he would make it through the night. his breathing was so labored. He was able to sleep pretty well last night and he is Ok again this morning. Well we had a change in plans again. Vangie and Josh are going to get married at their church in Colorado this coming weekend, Sept 6; their original date. They will still come down for the 24th of October and we will have an open house for them. This makes a lot of sense to me and removes one thing from my overfilled plate. We are very happy for them. On another bright note...Jeff's sister, Jo, is coming to visit us Sept. 11-14. YEAH! She lives in Wisconsin-make sure you pack your shorts and your sandals. It will still be hot here.The picture today is Jim, John and Jeff in Boy Scouts. Look at the size of those sleeping bags!All for now, thanks again for praying and loving us!-Gina-