July 18, 2009

Today is July 19. We are still hanging in there! Liz can have the baby any time now! She feels great and they all are ready. We have had a roller coaster of a week. Some truly amazing things have happened. On Tuesday several of my gal pals came over and we all went to McDonald's for lunch. Jeff loves the fish sandwiches there-very easy to eat and who doesn't love their fries? Anyway afterwards while Jeff was napping we took a field trip. I got to choose the place so we went to Harbor Freight Tools (the Big Lots of tools) and then out for ice cream. We went up and down every row at Harbor Freight and had so much fun laughing and trying the tools-I know four crazy women!! Then one of the gals Andrea came home with me. She is a Physical Therapist in peoples homes so she came and gave us some pointers-Here is the cool part... She recommended a shower transfer chair and a support pole. so that Jeff could continue to shower. That night I got on Craig's list and found both items! The pole was listed THAT VERY DAY. Then the next day some other gal pals came over and one of them, Marilyn, who is recently widowed said that she had a shower chair! The chair is amazing! and I picked up the pole yesterday. Thank you God for providing these seemingly small details! It has been so encouraging to me. Jeff has been really depressed, not because he is getting worse but because he isn't. He just keeps saying that he wants it to be over. He told me this past week why he won't shave off his goatee even though it gets really messy when he eats. In eighth grade he saw a movie on death and dying and they showed a man at the beginning of his battle with cancer with a full beard and then at the end all shriveled up and with no facial hair. He said he did not want to look like that man. Of course Jeff will have a beard as long as he wants it!!! Jim and Vicki surprised us with a visit this weekend. It is so nice to see them. It is such a spirit lifter for Jeff. (and me too!) When people ask me how I am doing-the only real answer I can give them is conflicted now. Jeff so much wants this to be over and told me he prays for that every night. But God has allowed him to live. So should I be happy every day that I have with him or sad? I try to be happy and upbeat for his sake but I don't know if that helps or hurts. Aaah the life with brain cancer...the body is ok but the tumor removes functionality of it. It does really stink! Thank you all so much for your encouraging e-mails. They have helped a lot! We love you all and will keep you posted!